© 2026

Why us?

So why would you agree to this? Because it'll be FUN. We're talking eyes glued to the screen, fun. Our eggheads developed a fake translation layer between your world and the Pataverse. We've found a way to gamify containment. Containment is now entertainment. We are calling it the:

Perpetual Containment Initiative

Not only will it be fun. It will contribute to your personal development. Designing containment cells isn't exactly easy. It's a win-win! That’s why we’re pivoting! Into gaming! Because let’s be honest… it worked for everyone else.

Here's how it works.

One. Buy Containcorp!

Available in stores… assuming your dimension even has stores. Some of you might only see a demo on the shelves, but that’s not our fault. Your reality is probably on the restricted distribution list. Our interdimensional department insists on running a rolling alpha test across compatible timelines, which means your particular universe may still be on the “observe and pray” phase. If you want full access, take it up with the eggheads; we certainly won’t.

Two. Design containment cells! Make them fancy! Make them efficient! Or don’t! We literally don’t care!

Make them pristine, overengineered masterpieces that would summon a cosmic auditor, or slap something together out of spite and duct tape. It’s genuinely all the same to us. As long as the anomaly doesn’t breach in a way that disrupts quarterly projections, your stylistic decisions are entirely your burden. Creativity is encouraged, accountability is optional, and consequences are shared equally among whoever’s closest to the blast radius.

Three. Contain anomalies, research them and milk them for profit. For us!

Contain anomalies, research them, and squeeze every drop of profitable insight from their weird little bodies. The science team insists on calling it “knowledge extraction,” but let’s be honest: we’re here to make money off whatever spooky nonsense your dimension coughs up. Document it, poke it, run tests until someone screams, and funnel all findings directly into corporate hands. It’s for the greater good. Ours.

Four. There's a fourth? Ah, yes, recruit others from your dimension, and get a nice bonus!

Recruit others from your dimension, and enjoy a generous incentive package. We love growth, especially when someone else does the recruiting for us. We promise this isn't a pyramid scheme. However you manage to do it, just get them through the door and claim your bonus before they realise what they’ve signed up for.

Incentive does not apply if you are born on a Monday, have a Y chromosome, you drink coffee in the morning, you sleep more than 6 hours, you are bleeding internally, you are not in prime health, your name contains the letter A or an odd number of letters, or if you think of elephants at least 1 a month.

Responsibilities

You’ll be housing anomalies: unpredictable entities with behaviours we barely understand. Your job is to study them, contain them, and stop them from turning the facility inside out.

Using the “Dire