No Pineapple Left Behind

Subaltern Games · 18 Feb 2016

About

In No Pineapple Left Behind, an evil wizard shows up to a school and turns all of the children into pineapples. Pineapples are very simple. All they do is take tests and get grades. If they get good grades, the school makes more money. But, if left unattended, pineapples can turn back into children. (Oh no!) Children are far more complex and expensive than pineapples. You are the principal. Your job is to run the school.

In No Pineapple Left Behind, you have to run a school full of children. Children have lots of wants, needs, and feelings. That's a problem, because if they get don't pay attention in class and get low grades, your school loses money. However, you can turn children into pineapples. All that pineapples do is take tests and get grades. They do not have feelings and are not people, but they are much simpler to handle, and therefore much cheaper.

Features:

Learn about the shortcomings of modern education in this satirical game
Nine schools, each with unique challenges
Manage the school's curriculums, students, and staff without going bankrupt
Dehumanize the children, turning them into orderly pineapples
Maintain a small staff of top-tier teachers or a large group of burned-out, underpaid teachers
Manipulate a child's feelings with lasers
Cast magic spells like "Trigonomancy" or "Covalency" to teach students
Address parental concerns, or maybe ignore them altogether